Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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