At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My penis needs a shock collar
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
