when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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