He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize