One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
