I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
