i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
