Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
