i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
