we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
