im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
