in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
