Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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