Kiss
Puke
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
