Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
this boner is exhausting
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
