Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You need Xanax blowdarts
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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