Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
