You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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