everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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