and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
