garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
