I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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