Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
