Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
