Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
