we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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