I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
