I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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