So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
