Well douche your snatch and let's go!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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