Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
