wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize