The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
