like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
