My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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