I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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