this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
