I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I fill condoms, not promises.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
