pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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