I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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