Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
