3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize