Too much gin, very little bucket
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
