R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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