I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I want to be your penis for a week.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
