i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
