I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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