...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
