he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
