I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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