True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
