I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
