Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
