Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
