My sheets look like a crime scene.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
