He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize