Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
