We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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