I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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