how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize