Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
