Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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