I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
