Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
