i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
