you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
be right there i have to get my cape
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
