yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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