and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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