I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
