I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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