I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
