If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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