I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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