Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
40s are totally the cure
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
