too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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