I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
