he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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